What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
FUCK WHALES
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
