The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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