i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
