If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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