I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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