After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
