no, he came in my armpit
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
