this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
