In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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