Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
