i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
