but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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