i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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