hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's shark week go big or go home
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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