I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
