I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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