So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize