i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
