Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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