I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
