I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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