Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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