Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
