I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
