I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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