I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
