i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
