I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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