how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
