Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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