Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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