Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
