There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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