she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
