By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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