When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
