Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
