Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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