Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
did you just send me my own nude
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
