Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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