Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
please come you make the beer taste better
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
