I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
