she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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