think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
