im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
