The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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