He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
