bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he was CRYING into my vagina
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
