my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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