1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
