No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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