Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
