At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
