True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
