GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
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You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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