You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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