Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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