Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
