I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
