A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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