I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
