Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
