You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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