I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We're not piercing ourselves today.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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