Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
